Olive Garden

Allow me to tell you about Olive Garden:

It always gives me the shits. Tonight I have to go to Olive Garden for a family dinner but I already have hardcore beer shits. Seriously, they are watery messes that are still hard to push out.

After every beer shit I look down and smile because I've made my private toilet look just like the one at Dodger stadium.

Ouch, that hurts. Dodgers. Jesus Christ. I thought this was our year. Next year Manny will come back with titties and he'll be able to hit (hopefully). Get Manny back on drugs. He's got one more season left in him. Let the poor old man prop himself up for as long as Barry Bonds was able to prop himself up. It's just too damn bad that after steroids you're going to need some cialis to prop your Louisville Slugger up. BA CHANG.

Why do I have beer shits today? Last night I drank many a brew at this small bar across the street from the race track. We were the only douche bags in there and we were even allowed to stay long after it closed. What a delightful time for unhappy people!