Retail workers have to deal with a lot of shit. Most people are half-retarded, most people all full ugly and we have to ask permission from our "superiors" to use the restroom.
Today, I had to use the restroom. I asked like a good little worker if I could use it. They let me. It felt like a huge shit rumbling down my tummy and I needed to go bad. So I ran like a good little worker to the bathroom, unzipped my piss pants, and sat down.
What came out? Nothing but a violent fart.
When I got back the supervisor asked "1 or 2?"
I had no answer. So I thought on the fly (I'm fucking good at that shit). I said, "It was nothing but a glorified fart?"
"Glorified fart?"
"You know, when you think you gotta shit but all that comes out is a loud roar and no shit. You still wipe anyways because a fart that violent probably produced a little Hershey squirt. That's a glorified fart, my friend."
Glorified fart. New term. Use it.
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6 comments:
i prefer to refer to them as my anal trumpets.
i thought ladies didn't fart?
does that make any sense? i'm not a lady.
oh but he is.. he is. anonymous. he is. a lady. she is.
yes it does make sense. also, i thought that was called sharting..or is there a difference?
a glorified fart is when you actually sit on the toilet, think you're going to poop and nothing but a loud and violent fart comes out. you don't necessarily get hershey squirts, but a fart that violent has to be wiped just to be sure. sharting is when you fart and get shit all over your underwear. learn your terms, sonny boy.
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