Why America fucks shit up for real

Three Somali Pirates have no head and they are floating somewhere in the ocean.

America needed this. When that container ship got hijacked by pirates and was ransomed awhile back Europe caved in and negotiated a ransom. In fairness, hundreds of millions of dollars weren't at stake but FUCK YOU if you were going to point that out in an attempt to demean my cartoonish patriotism.

Now, I do have major concerns about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan and the growing annoyances that are Iran and North Korea. But at least we got this one tiny victory to feel cocky about. Maybe Obama can pull a Thomas Jefferson and fuck up a whole buncha pirates. We'll see.