bleedin's aversion to drinking

Bleedin' punani is a stand up guy. He just turned the big deuce-deuce the other day and we all went to BJs to celebrate.

BJs is expensive as shit. I usually wouldn't go there but it was a friend's birthday; the world does not revolve around my tastes or pocket book. I prefer trashier and cheaper.

Being his birthday I bought Bleedin' a White Russian so he could finally have a taste of what it was like to be Dude-like. One of Bleedin's female friends that I did not know said, "Isn't that more like a dessert? Shouldn't that be like his last drink?"

I answered, "You obviously do not know Bleedin's drinking ability. This will be his last drink."

Lo and behold, he took one sip and that threw him over the edge. The manager of BJs (quite the BJ himself) came to the table and put a hold until he got himself together. What he really meant was "Get the fuck out of my restaurant before you blow chunks all over my mouth breathing customers."

Bleedin' went outside and threw up and I was out there to coach him. His manager (Yes, this guy invites his employers to his parties so he can never talk crap on his job like other proud working men) comes out with a glass of water for him.

Up until this point, the story is true.

I grabbed the glass of water and threw it at the manager's face. "Fuck you, you piece of shit! This man has to finish his White Russian."

Bleedin's employer proceeded to fire me (also my employer). I didn't care because this part of the story didn't happen so I said, "Go stuff your god damned position of authority up your ass! You're not the President so fuck off!"

At this point Jesus came from the Heavens and begged our employer to forgive me. He said, "Forgive them, Manager, for they know not what they do."

The manager said, "Who the fuck are you? I'm Jewish!"

Jesus said, "Oh... shit," and disappeared into a green cloud back into his spaceship to travel the universe happily. His spaceship was modified because he can't grip a steering wheel because his wounds do not heal and they were meant that way because of the symbolic value they hold for believers across the world.

Long story short, Bleedin' ain't the Dude but at least he tried.