My newest sheet...

What if instead of constantly covering graffiti, L.A. embraced it? What if the city designed some sort of friendly grading system for these pieces instead of ruining them?





That would be sick.

Crumple vs. Fold epic is over

Seems pretty even between crumpling and folding (a lot more of my friends are pussies than I thought) but let's talk about Black Friday and why I hate Christmas as much as I do.

First, read this as a backdrop for my story. Since I know most people are too lazy to click and read a link I'll give you the story. A Walmart employee is trampled to death by raving mad fat ass lunatics. 34 years old, working part time and for probably a little more than minimum wage.

Two assholes kill each other at a Toys R Us parking lot after they got into a fight inside the store. It's probably not related to shopping but I've seen people get pretty fucking pissed off in shopping atmospheres. I wouldn't put it past some people. For the sake of feeding my hate for Christmas and shopping in general let's just say they did get into an argument of a Wii.

I don't think the CNN article reports on this but some 8 month pregnant lady got trampled today too. I don't feel bad for the lady, I feel bad for the kid. What the fuck was she doing at a Black Friday sale being 8 months pregnant? That kid has a terrible mother and it ain't even born yet.

Christmas is supposed to be about some peaceful, non-materialistic baby and his birthday. Since no one can see him, you don't have to buy him gifts. That's the fucking best birthday I've ever been invited to. But corporations have manipulated this holiday to make you buy gifts anyways. And instead of buying gifts for the ONE person you're supposed to be buying gifts for (the birthday God) you have to buy them for everybody unless you're Jewish. No Jewish person I know gives gifts for Christmas but I've met Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, atheists who all give gifts on Christmas. This is obviously no longer a religious holiday and I'm totally cool with that. I'm not Bill O'Reilly. If I wanted to celebrate Ramadan I would like to be able to celebrate it. I don't want to fast. But if someone wants to get a shit load of gifts and they're not Christian, I have no problem with that. Get it while you can because remember what happens to people who only give, give, give (they get crucified or trampled at 5 in the morning or get beat up in utero).

Those two guys who killed each other in the parking lot, GOOD RIDDANCE. Don't need any more of those violent types who get worked up at a toy store. So worked up that they take their fight to the parking lot and kill each other. I don't feel bad for them whatsoever. Sure I feel bad for their family but society should not care.

That mother who got trampled, she's a fucking idiot. The only reason I hope she's alive is for that kid who doesn't even want to be in a fucking store. He wants to be popping out of that vagina as soon as possible. I hope that kid gives the mother complications just to pay her ass back for being so irresponsible.

As for that Walmart worker, that fucking sucks. Those fat asses basically tore down the entrance to get in. Walmart should have the police beat the shit out of anybody who runs. Motherfuckers better walk or get a billy club to the face. If a Walmart manager makes a sign that says and posts it on their front door next Black Friday, I will personally give them $50 and a pat on the back.

With all that being said, happy holidays.

Maybe Margareane Buttersworth will understand...

So, Thanksgiving is over. I've been in a food coma since 5. I promised myself I wouldn't work on anything school related today so I was just fucking around checking my email and I found this. I read what it was about and immediately my female tendencies kicked in and I had to click. Despite the fact that the music is corny and I could have done without it... I think I've underestimated my pussiness because I was fuckin BAWLING MY EYES OUT. What a woman. Whatever. Fuck you.

Shut up, turkeyneck motherfucker

Anyways so there's this shit we celebrate as Americans and it's called Thanksgiving.

We eat turkey and we all I have our different ideas of what makes good stuffing.

I say a bad MSpaint job makes the best stuffing.



Happy Thanksgiving.

Don't miss Garkahar's epic.

Why I have no faith...

in American citizens.

A short story by Garkahar.

Today, while at work, I thought the best thing to do was nothing. So keeping in with my schedule i arrive earlier than schedule so that I may leave earlier than schedule. i proceed to do nothign for the first hour to two hours, because every employer knows that two hours is the minimum requirement to actually let the reality, of you being at work, sink in. i spend the time reading my good friend Matt's blog. You should really check it out, its like award winning and stuff. Anyways, there was an extra special post about Myspace.

I had the jackpot.

Anytime there is a post about Myspace you know it has to be something absurdly inane. For the people who arent graced with two hours of paid free time, I will do you a favor and break the case down for you.


This fat little pig-nosed bitch in junior high probably thought she was too good looking for this other bitch, so then this other bitch says something slightly inappropriate. The fat bitch then is like, "omg" blah blah blah blah... something similar to my friend Vicky Pollard's outbreaks. She goes home and tells her train wreck of a white trash mom who then goes "omg" my child will not take this from some stupid little brat. I am going to get on myspace and talk shit as her and make her feel the same pain she made my daughter feel, but then twist in the plot the stupid bitch is suicidal and kills herself.

Now what really disappoints me is that this fat bitch couldn't take a statement of fact. You ARE obese, not fat; it is obvious the girl was being kind....did you really have to make her kill herself? Secondly, you ARE ugly as well. Please dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

and thats what i got $25 bucks for reading today. woot.

Fun with the mutant vagina

Notice the color of this man's flesh. I used the little color selector to select the color of one those weirdly healed vagina wounds.

Since Garkahar insists on everyone seeing his mutant vagina post, I figured I'd advertise the original with something original rather than some lame bumping attempt.

Folding vs. crumbling

I was doing a little research for our nifty new poll and i googled "folding tp vs. crumbling tp."

I got a bunch of shitty results. (HAHA SHITTY! HAHAHA! fuck you.)

Here's one.

Yahoo!Answers is such a retarded little endeavor. People ask things like "OMG I HAVE GREEN ZITS ALL OVER MY PUSSY AM I PREGNANT?" The answer is yes if by pregnant you mean "herpes." Fuck in the dark, lady, no one will notice.

But anyways, what do you do? Do you crumble or do you fold? I find folding to be pretty time consuming and effeminate. I do everything fast. I shit fast, I piss fast, and I wipe fast. Folding isn't fast.

So go out and VOTE! ODB thanks you for being unopposed in his rap battle.

P.S. I also found this picture in a Google image search:



So are you supposed to poop through the toilet paper?

Found it here. Her blog is equally hilarious/crazy. Has a background image of a cat. Weird.

Thank him for finding this. It's on garkahar's Hanukkah wish list.

If you laugh while watching this, you're a horrible piece of shit

because this video is horribly hilarious.

ARAB MONEY?

Whats with the Double Dicks Dance???
I wonder what came over Busta cause he does it like a pro: tongue out and everything.

Just a Quickie post

Quickest Man Alive - Watch more free videos

This is Only a Temporary Post

Bond with a major twist: a review

Quantum of Solace was pretty much your standard 007 flick.

Yeah, sure he's a lot more Bourne-ish than the effete yet macho 007s that came before Daniel Craig so here's a quick run down and review of 007.

He fucks chicks during the movie. This is standard. He gets what he wants in more ways than one.

Some girl has information but also has a nice set of knockers. A hot ginger? Who woulda thunk it? This kind of sexual activity is standard in Bond films which makes a bunch of nerds giddy by vicariously living through an action hero who is three hundred times cooler than them but also three hundred less cool than how they see themselves.

But, come on Bond! Did you really have to suck that fat dictator's dick just to get nuclear codes to stop the Russians from blowing up the Isle of Wight? That was a little out of character.

I guess the director wants to go for a grittier Bond with Daniel Craig which kind of explains his meth addiction and his drowning in consumer debt. But Bond giving hand jobs to homeless people for some spare change? That's getting a little too gritty.


Minutes before the sucking of the dick.

I also really didn't like the side story of him trying to break out as a white rapper. It all was a little too reminiscent of 8 Mile. Bond never really seemed the type to do drive byes while sucking dick in an 64 Impala with hydraulics going full boar. A lot of things just didn't make sense.

Overall, though, good flick.

ODB's first rap battle

OBD's first rap battle, he is the the kid named eli.

OMG Mutant Vagina

I will take full responsibility for the lewdness of this post, but honestly watch this.

18+ please.....

http://youporn.com/watch/265353/panty-snacher/

the ugly monster rears its head in the first tenth of the video.




EDIT:
I've taken the liberty to screen shot it since I KNOW you pussies won't watch.

VLAD'S EDIT:
GARKAHAR IS A DICK; I SWEAR YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS PICTURE BUT YOU REALLY NEED TO SO CLICK HERE.

Why Are There Stupid People Working at [insert store]??

Well, well, well...I blog again =)

Just so I won't get sued or something, I won't say the name of the store I went to. You can put whatever store name you want. It could be one that you had problems with when returning shit. =D

Anyway, I went to [insert store] a few days ago to return a game I didn't want (Metroid Prime on the Wii). I arrived at [insert store] around 8:20 ish and waited in the return line. After the lady in front of me was finished with her return, I naturally went up to the person that was at the counter. This person (who shall remain nameless and genderless) was still putting tags on the returned merchandise so I didn't push my stuff to her. When this person looked up, he/she gave me the EVIL eye. It was the kind of look that said, "I didn't call your ass to be helped yet." I already could tell this was going to be a bad return. =0

When this person was done with whatever he/she was doing, I gave the card and game to him/her. This person looked on the computer to find the game in my purchases. When he/she couldn't find it, I told him/her that it might be on my other account because I used to work there. He/she looked it up on that account and still couldn't find the game! I told him/her that I'm POSITIVE I bought the game at [insert store] and asked the person if he/she looked at all the accounts. He/she said yes and I couldn't get my money because he/she can't verify I bought the game at [insert store].

As I sadly walked back to my car, my friend asked what was wrong and I told him that the person couldn't find the game on my purchase log. I also told him, and made sure that damn person heard me, "The guy/girl couldn't find my game in my purchases, but why would I return something if I didn't buy it here?"

Anyway, I came back the next day and tried my luck again. This time, a nice person helped me. I gave my card and the game and I waited. To my surprise, the nice person FOUND THE GAME ON MY DAMN ACCOUNT PURCHASES!! I thanked the nice person and told him/her that yesterday, the guy/girl couldn't find the game in my purchases. The nice person said that he/she probably looked up the game by the wrong code. I thanked the nice person and went on my merry way. -[ . . ]-

All I have to say is.....it feels fucking AWESOME to be right =[ .. ]=

Don Juan

The Ass Pad

Sometimes it just happens.

You sitting on your toilet shitting and thinking about the day ahead of you and you realize you're late for work.

You push as hard as you can for that last log to drop and then the wiping process begins.

You wipe and wipe and wipe and still with each wipe you're disappointed to see more shit. The shit just keeps coming.

It's the never-ending wipe.

Then you contemplate a quick and easy solution to this shit.

ass pad

You wad up some toilet paper, wedge it between your cheeks to save for later wiping but at least the shit wont run down your legs... right? Right? Right?

Not that I ever contemplated that.

Tupac Vs. Biggie

Now that the "Most Watched" vs. "Top Rated" e(l)(r)ection is settled, we have to figure out something else. I feel this one will be a lot closer than the last poll.

Tupac or Biggie?

Being on the west coast, I feel like most of us will be partial to Tupac. I know that Nigel loves Biggie so there will be some dissent there. As for myself, I like Ol' Dirty Bastard much better than Tupac or Biggie.

Tupac's strengths are that he was very prolific and poetic. Most times when I listen to a Tupac album I find myself skipping through certain songs and I end up listening to only about 5 or 6 songs all the way through per disc. That's not always the case but it happens most of the time. Tupac also seems like a passionate killer... he kills because he's a bottle of rage just ready to explode at any moment. I get that sense when I listen to "Hit 'em Up." He's the Harry Truman of the rap world.

Biggie had just two albums but they were both VERY GOOD. I like "Life After Death" a lot better than "Ready to Die" but disc 2 of "Life" is a lot easier to listen to every track all the way through. If there's one thing I could change about Biggie's albums it would definitely be Puffy. I feel like he ruins every song on "Ready to Die" and he's useless on about half of the songs on "Life." He does make awesome contributions on "Playa Hater" and his hyping on "Long Kiss Goodnight" actually adds to the aura of the song. Unlike Tupac, Biggie seems more like the kind of guy who has his minions do the dirty work for him and he asks them to bring his victim's head just to prove he's dead. He's a brooding, unemotional bastard. He reminds me of Stalin.

Tupac and Biggie are the monoliths of rap in my eyes. I don't think rap will get back to its golden age during the late 80s through the late 90s and that's why these two will be very missed.

So, go and vote. The poll will be up shortly.

EDIT: I had to post this link because I don't know if this is rare or whatever but it is definitely worth your listen. CLICK HERE

Dont mess

with a G

The speech

Decisive

Congratulations to Barack Obama.

McCain is a good man and like I predicted to my family, his speech was honorable and unifying. Even though his crowd was booing, he genuinely seemed proud of the United States of America despite his loss.

We are all proud of the USA.

In other news, I'm proud of the people who kicked Garkahar's ass in the Top Rated vs. Most Watched poll. Garkahar started resorting to dirty tricks in the end but I'll still say he's an honorable opponent... blah blah blah. Let's move vsbx.net forward. Let's just not forget what the V stands for, G.

The party has come to an end.

I was hoping for a little more representation like my fellow running mate McCain (don't get me wrong I did not vote for "a" president), but alas the final tally is win.

On behalf of VSBX.net I would like to congratulate our winner "Top Rated," for snuffing out "Most Viewed" in a rather decisive battle for supremacy of the "method of sorting for best porn category.

Secondly, I would also like to thank you for the others that did tally your vote. If I do the math correctly, there are about 9 to 11 others who contributed to our efforts.

17
-2 (me)
-4 to 6 (contributors)
_____
9 to 11

This will not be the last! Please check back for more. There has also been word of an inauguration day party in which two of the writers will be in Hawaii, accompanied by another male escort, to possibly or possibly not (at this point in time) celebrate the passing of prop 8. Congratulate them if you get the chance.

Good day all.

Is it still cool to read SA?

Sorry Vlad, but I thought this was pretty funny.

This kid watches Too many movies

This is his rendition of life after Obama is elected..

Im sure after he made this dramatic video he went back to watching War Of The Worlds and playing attack of the clones on xbox

BREAKING NEWS

Fuck you assholes. No one likes to watch shitty Top Rated Porn! I honestly cannot believe i am the only one.

Holy fucking shit

Holy CRAP.

Found here.

Can I say I shit my pants? That guy's voice sounded thrashed from sucking too much dick.

Hey homosexual anti-homosexual cock loving asshole! WE FUCKING GET IT, YOU SUCK DICK BUT YOU'RE TOTALLY NOT GAY.

You're just colonizing heretic ass with righteous cum... but deep [DEEP] down inside you're a family man and outwardly you're a family man but YOU ARE A GAY DEFEATING SODOMIZER!

I feel bad for the wrath of God on the homos. He unleashed this beast on the internet.

Imagine a yes on 3 ad with this guy narrating. I'd say "fuck Children's hospitals" every time.

EDIT: Tell Starbucks you voted and they give you a free coffee. Its great for all the poor suckers out there who can't afford a cup but can't give up "gourmet" coffee. Also good for all the assholes who after they vote are going to be watching MSNBC or FOX news all day long anxiously sipping their free first edition recession coffee.

The Drudge headline that ruined my night... and why it shouldn't have

drudgereport.com is like waiting in line and reading the tabloids.

I understand he is extremely biased and misleading with his headlines and his pictures but I read it 1,000 times a day anyways because there isn't a damn thing to do.

While garkahar and I were debating the merits of watching either the most viewed or the top rated section of youporn, garkahar opened up drudge and asked, "Hey Vlad. DID YOU SEE THIS?!?!?!?!?"



Being slightly inebriated made my emotions run high and I almost threw my 32 oz of the "champagne of beers" at him. I immediately kicked his ass off of his own computer and went to realclearpolitics.com just to assure myself that 99.9% of the polls said Obama was kicking ass. And even after that, I rationalized to myself out loud (very loudly) that who gives a shit about the popular vote when elections are won by the electoral college. Barack Obama is kicking McCain's ass in the projected electoral count so my fears should have subsided.

But they didn't.

I've been following this shit since Hillary wouldn't drop out and I was emotionally distressed. After a long hard night of partying for Halloween I went back to drudge and he FINALLY linked his headline. This is what I found:



While drudge wasn't really "lying," he wasn't telling the entire truth. He knows full well that the majority of the assholes (like me) only read headlines and click on the stories that say "Man cuts off penis to make a point about feminism."

McCain out-polled Obama on ONE day of a THREE day poll. Obama was still five points ahead.

In short, FUCK YOU DRUDGE. Even though you didn't ruin my night, I hate you so much that I can't live without you. I love you. Go vote on Garkahar's far more important post, you assholes.

Talk politics

Ah yes an important time is upon us. Super Tuesday is coming up, thus I feel there is an urgency to address this particular matter; a matter that has yet to have been addressed before. We all face this issue, some on a weekly schedule... some thrice a week... some daily... and perhaps sometimes twice daily (for the enthusiasts). My fellow Americans to you, I present my case.

Prop VSBX 8.

On the method of sorting for the best porn: Most Viewed or Top Rated; I vote Most Viewed.

Last night, over a few beers, Vlad and I began dissecting why we believed that our method of sorting was best. My point is simple: If a lot of people watch it then you know it has to be good, but Vlad's counter point was, "Its one thing to have a lot of people watch, but it (the video) must be of merit if the viewer took the effort to rate it."

The polls are open.

You tell us.

BARACK THE VOTE!
sike

VLAD'S EDIT: POLL ADDED TO THE TOP RIGHT HAND SIDE OF SITE... COMMENT HERE... VOTE THERE. POLLS CLOSE AT 11:59PM OF NOVEMBER 4, 2008.

Uuuugh.

What is it about cigarettes that make your hangover so much worse? Actually, I don't care. All I care about is how fucking loud the traffic is right now and how much my head is pounding and how gross this bagel tastes. Halloween was fun. I can tell based on how I am feeling right now. At the moment I am sitting at the Coffee Bean on what may be the loudest and busiest street known to man. I am waiting for my brakes to be fixed. Unfortunately, the Coffee Bean is far as shit from my mechanic and I know that by the time my brakes are fixed it will be nice and hot for the walk back. There is also a Panda Express next door and I have a feeling I am going to be their first customer today.

The girl next to me is talking to her boyfriend. "She tried to stab him after he tried to slit her throat but then he ended up stabbing himself... but now they're both in jail." Is it weird that hearing shit like this doesn't phase me at all? The guy further down from them has been on the phone for the entire time I have been here. He can't just talk though, he has to yell. The guy on the other side of me is fucking creepy as shit. He is staring at me and mumbling things. Fuck. I wish men could understand just how annoying it is to be a female sometimes. I can't turn my head in his direction because every time I do he mumbles, "Uhhh duhh blahhh blahhhh duhhhh you're beautiful!" What the FUCK?! This man is at least 55 years old.

The mechanic just called. What are rotors? Whatever they are I need new ones because mine are cracked. I'll google it. As much as I hate being here I'm grateful that my mechanic is a good friend of my dad's because I could easily be getting fucked over. For example, I went to get my oil changed last week at a place closer to my house and the guy told me I need to come back in asap because I only have about 5% left on my brakes. My dad's friend just said there is easily about 40% and it isn't even necessary to change the pads at this time. Yet another reason why being a woman sucks. I asked my teacher earlier this week about buying a digital slr and his exact words were, "Decide exactly what you want before you go in to the store. The men who work there will try to do two things: take advantage of you by selling you things you don't need and impress you." THIS is why I am a bitch. Protection. Nobody wants to fuck with a huge snarling pit bull... nobody wants to fuck with a raging bitch either.

Ok I'm about done here and I'm moving inside. I can't handle this guy anymore.

I googled rotors. Now I understand. Sort of. Not really.