Ain't no thang.
31 July 2008
30 July 2008
If I had a nickel for everytime I got pulled over... I'd be about 50 cents closer to paying off my last ticket.
In an attempt to relieve myself from extreme boredom and dismiss the sadness of no longer living with Vlad and JackJack I remembered one of my favorite online pastimes. When tmz and yahoo sports just weren't enough, I turned to the Superior Court websites, something I haven't done for a while. Why would I do this? To see which one of my friends has earned the title of defendant the most. I'm almost starting to see it as a sort of race... who can rack up the most tickets? The best part is, the fucking STUPID shit we keep getting busted for: pedestrian violation of "walk" or "wait" signals, driving without lights during darkness, driving across, over, or upon divided highways, mandatory use of seatbelts required (this was a popular one), possession of alcohol under 21 (my personal least favorite). I also found it amusing how many of our cases ended with stupid shit, such as: bail forfeiture, traffic school incomplete, pled guilty, or my personal favorite... pled not guilty and found guilty.
Anyway, I think we've all learned to be a little more careful since the majority of our group is over 21 now and violations could be a lot more serious. If this isn't the case though, let's just hope we can manage to stop being such fucking stoners and actually make it to our court dates. Jesus.
Anyway, I think we've all learned to be a little more careful since the majority of our group is over 21 now and violations could be a lot more serious. If this isn't the case though, let's just hope we can manage to stop being such fucking stoners and actually make it to our court dates. Jesus.
29 July 2008
Obsession With Time
I've recently become absolutely obsessed with time.
It goes so fast now and I have no idea how to keep up with it.
When you were a kid you had nothing but time now you have anything BUT time!! Jesus.
There was an earthquake where I live and I'll spare you the details but my HDMI cable broke during it. My favorite time wasting activity (Call of Duty 4) would no longer be available to me so I just drove to Target right after the tremors and bought a new one along with SoulCalibur 4 (character creation is such an awesome bonus... there will probably be pictures of the ones me, Nipple and Yuri create up here soon). The guy in front of me in line bought cheese, batteries, and MAGNUM sized condoms.
Have fun eating cheese and putting on condoms, loser.
At least my items made sense together. His were either the product of a freaky cheese and vibrator fetish or he was just one stop shopping. I choose the first choice because it just makes life more interesting. Not that I'm imagining him eating cheese and putting on condoms or anything.
I saw a car that had a sticker on it that said "My hope is in Jesus" and on the other side of the window it had a sticker of a grenade. Hypocrisy on wheels!
I'm looking for something that makes time slow down. It's going way too fuckin' fast.
Next post by vladmir: txt msg abreviation
It goes so fast now and I have no idea how to keep up with it.
When you were a kid you had nothing but time now you have anything BUT time!! Jesus.
There was an earthquake where I live and I'll spare you the details but my HDMI cable broke during it. My favorite time wasting activity (Call of Duty 4) would no longer be available to me so I just drove to Target right after the tremors and bought a new one along with SoulCalibur 4 (character creation is such an awesome bonus... there will probably be pictures of the ones me, Nipple and Yuri create up here soon). The guy in front of me in line bought cheese, batteries, and MAGNUM sized condoms.
Have fun eating cheese and putting on condoms, loser.
At least my items made sense together. His were either the product of a freaky cheese and vibrator fetish or he was just one stop shopping. I choose the first choice because it just makes life more interesting. Not that I'm imagining him eating cheese and putting on condoms or anything.
I saw a car that had a sticker on it that said "My hope is in Jesus" and on the other side of the window it had a sticker of a grenade. Hypocrisy on wheels!
I'm looking for something that makes time slow down. It's going way too fuckin' fast.
Next post by vladmir: txt msg abreviation
28 July 2008
Cuil
I don't know about cuil. Maybe it's the egomaniac in me but at least Google lists VSBX.
I also can't stand cuil's result pages.
When I searched "feminine beard" in cuil I got a few weird Islamic sites. At Google, VSBX is the second hit.
Fuck you cuil.
When I look at the word "cuil" I don't think "cool." I think coo-ill. Are you "cool" or "ill?" Choose one, you can't be both. Cool is for acts of physical awesomeness like skateboarding or dunking. Ill is for people who can rap really well (i.e. "Yo that was ill, son.")
I have too much faith in my favorite mega corporations.
I also can't stand cuil's result pages.
When I searched "feminine beard" in cuil I got a few weird Islamic sites. At Google, VSBX is the second hit.
Fuck you cuil.
When I look at the word "cuil" I don't think "cool." I think coo-ill. Are you "cool" or "ill?" Choose one, you can't be both. Cool is for acts of physical awesomeness like skateboarding or dunking. Ill is for people who can rap really well (i.e. "Yo that was ill, son.")
I have too much faith in my favorite mega corporations.
24 July 2008
IF you dont Watch the WNBA...
Then keep it that way. this is the best 10 seconds that will ever come out of it
if you want to see the full clip go here Women Cant fight.
Ladies leave in wheelchairs without throwing punches.
if you want to see the full clip go here Women Cant fight.
Ladies leave in wheelchairs without throwing punches.
23 July 2008
CafePress Quickie
22 July 2008
Walk Like Traffic
How many people in the world do not walk like car traffic? You know like walking on the right side of the concrete?
It's infuriating.
I thought it was bad at CSULB but when I went to the Santa Monica Pier, countless fucktards cross the bridge on the wrong side and the walking area is THIN. I swear I had to jump into oncoming traffic to avoid assholes walking in the street.
Would you drive on the wrong side of the road just because it's more convenient and less people are there? No. That's stupid.
I imagine in England they follow this unwritten rule of humanity because they seem a little more civilized than Americans (mostly because of their awesomer than thou accents).
It's driven me so crazy that I was almost forced to cross the street and walk on the wrong side too. But I refuse to be that asshole. I know better.
From now on I'm not moving for you. Even if you're a decrepit, dying old man I'm not moving. We'll just meet in an epic stand off because I'm not budging, John McCain. You'll have to go on the right side of the concrete. This is a nation of laws.
In other news. I'll be using this service because every cell conversation is an awkward one for me. I hate talking. I hate communication period. Do I need to put a "." at the end of a sentence when I said "period?" I shouldn't have to.
It's infuriating.
I thought it was bad at CSULB but when I went to the Santa Monica Pier, countless fucktards cross the bridge on the wrong side and the walking area is THIN. I swear I had to jump into oncoming traffic to avoid assholes walking in the street.
Would you drive on the wrong side of the road just because it's more convenient and less people are there? No. That's stupid.
I imagine in England they follow this unwritten rule of humanity because they seem a little more civilized than Americans (mostly because of their awesomer than thou accents).
It's driven me so crazy that I was almost forced to cross the street and walk on the wrong side too. But I refuse to be that asshole. I know better.
From now on I'm not moving for you. Even if you're a decrepit, dying old man I'm not moving. We'll just meet in an epic stand off because I'm not budging, John McCain. You'll have to go on the right side of the concrete. This is a nation of laws.
In other news. I'll be using this service because every cell conversation is an awkward one for me. I hate talking. I hate communication period. Do I need to put a "." at the end of a sentence when I said "period?" I shouldn't have to.
18 July 2008
15 July 2008
R.I.P. To My Party Shorts
My golden yellow basketball shorts... I will really miss you. It just had to happen.
My party shorts... the shorts that accompanied me to wait in line for GTAIV. The shorts that I had hoped to wear to The Dark Knight midnight screening... are now in the trash along with my favorite pair of boxers.
It had to happen...
I never thought it'd happen to me.
I fuckin' sharted.
I was dealing with food poisoning and I thought the worst was over so while I was watching the live coverage of E3 (FUCK YOU AND YOUR JOKES) and with no warning... warmness.
I yelled OH MY GOD and ran for the bathroom. The boxers and the party shorts were not salvagable.
Rest in peace, dear friend. I loved you even though the elasticity of the waist band no longer worked. I wore you anyways. If I could have saved you, I would have. You're in a better place. Go with God.
Don't let anyone call you sharty shorts.
Man, I hate myself.
My party shorts... the shorts that accompanied me to wait in line for GTAIV. The shorts that I had hoped to wear to The Dark Knight midnight screening... are now in the trash along with my favorite pair of boxers.
It had to happen...
I never thought it'd happen to me.
I fuckin' sharted.
I was dealing with food poisoning and I thought the worst was over so while I was watching the live coverage of E3 (FUCK YOU AND YOUR JOKES) and with no warning... warmness.
I yelled OH MY GOD and ran for the bathroom. The boxers and the party shorts were not salvagable.
Rest in peace, dear friend. I loved you even though the elasticity of the waist band no longer worked. I wore you anyways. If I could have saved you, I would have. You're in a better place. Go with God.
Don't let anyone call you sharty shorts.
Man, I hate myself.
The New Yorker Uproar
When I first saw this cover I was a little annoyed but then I thought to myself, "Who the hell reads the New Yorker?"Pretentious assholes and artists, that's who. No offense to anyone. I've read through a few New Yorkers and enjoyed it. I usually flip through all the pages looking for the comics hoping to find ONE that I can at least chuckle at. I never do. Am I crazy?
And then there are all the Obama supporters who worry that people passing by it on newsstands will have their stereotypes confirmed just by seeing the cover. I don't live in New York so I don't know how it works over there but I have never seen a New Yorker on any newsstand in the Los Angeles area or the Orange County area. Well they're not in places ignorant idiots like myself would shop. If I'm going to 7-11 to buy a magazine my choices are pretty limited. It's either porn or body building or male interest. The New Yorker fits nowhere in that mix. New Yorkers hang out in places like libraries where smart pretentious "readers" congregate and I doubt they hold any of the idiotic stereotypes that the New Yorker is "satirizing."
My point is that people who subscribe and read the New Yorker will probably not be concerned or swayed by the cover in anyway. They'll "get it" or they'll buy the excuse that it's satire. People who are complete rabid idiots that froth at the mouth and believe internet chain mails constitute research have probably never heard of the New Yorker magazine until the controversy arose. Believe you me, they're not going to pick up a copy anyways because 7-11 and GNC do not sell it.
I am an Obama supporter but I'm not going to get all extremist fundamentalist and demand the head of the artist and the editor of the New Yorker. It's a free country. Do what you want.
09 July 2008
Quick Thought
You'd think that everyone had herpes the way herpes medicine commercials talk about it.
I will be consistently connected to the internet in a week or so. VSBX will be up consistently again.
I'm hoping Mr. Nipple will make a post about the king Baron Davis.
I will be consistently connected to the internet in a week or so. VSBX will be up consistently again.
I'm hoping Mr. Nipple will make a post about the king Baron Davis.
04 July 2008
4th of July
"Are you open on the 4th of July?"
"No."
"That's stupid."
"You're stupid."
"What?"
"Your total is 204.37."
I hate customers.
Anyways some dude gave me one of those million dollar bills with an evangelical message on them like "REPENT OR BURN FOREVER!" and I usually don't mind people giving me that kind of shit but this mouth breather gave me a million dollar EURO. That really offended my American sensibilities and reminds me of the time our forefathers beat the shit out of those Brits for independence.
George Washington was really hung over on the third of July and was getting really irritated about everything. He called up his homies (who called themselves the Forefathers) and asked them if they wanted to go to McDonald's for breakfast with all the Chinese people.
"I'm really hungover," George said, "I gots to get me some OJ."
"Totally dude," Thomas Jefferson replied.
In the dining area they ran into British General Cornwallis who was pleased to see George but George was trying hard to avoid him. Eye contact was made though and George was stuck.
"Hello there, George. Let's go out for crumpits and tea later."
"What'd you fuckin' call me you pansy ass bitch?!" George stood up and pulled out his musket, "This is war, motherfucker."
"Well I never!" Cornwallis stomped off like a bitch.
George and Jefferson jumped into their 1764 Impala and rolled on down to the White House to play Call of Duty and practice capping on Brits. Eventually Jefferson came up with a great idea.
"Dude, I'm gonna write this Declaration thing and really piss off King George."
"Fuck yeah, let's do it."
"Wait, pass the joint man I can only write elegantly when I'm FUCKED UP," Jefferson replied.
King George was a communist who liked to tax the shit out of the colonists and quite frankly, the colonists were fed up with that kind of bullshit.
George rounded all the forefathers up and they started tarring and feathering every Brit or Brit Commie Pinko sympathizer. Anyways, we won the war.
We won to protect our right to barbeque, drink beer, and shop til we drop. This is America dammit. The best damn country on the planet and if you evangelicals want to pass around propaganda to me I suggest it have an American face on that bill not some crappy European artifact. We fought them and we have our own money now so eff you.
Happy 4th fellow Americans.
Happy 4th Iraqis; you're guna be America someday.
Happy 4th world; you will be too.
"No."
"That's stupid."
"You're stupid."
"What?"
"Your total is 204.37."
I hate customers.
Anyways some dude gave me one of those million dollar bills with an evangelical message on them like "REPENT OR BURN FOREVER!" and I usually don't mind people giving me that kind of shit but this mouth breather gave me a million dollar EURO. That really offended my American sensibilities and reminds me of the time our forefathers beat the shit out of those Brits for independence.
George Washington was really hung over on the third of July and was getting really irritated about everything. He called up his homies (who called themselves the Forefathers) and asked them if they wanted to go to McDonald's for breakfast with all the Chinese people.
"I'm really hungover," George said, "I gots to get me some OJ."
"Totally dude," Thomas Jefferson replied.
In the dining area they ran into British General Cornwallis who was pleased to see George but George was trying hard to avoid him. Eye contact was made though and George was stuck.
"Hello there, George. Let's go out for crumpits and tea later."
"What'd you fuckin' call me you pansy ass bitch?!" George stood up and pulled out his musket, "This is war, motherfucker."
"Well I never!" Cornwallis stomped off like a bitch.
George and Jefferson jumped into their 1764 Impala and rolled on down to the White House to play Call of Duty and practice capping on Brits. Eventually Jefferson came up with a great idea.
"Dude, I'm gonna write this Declaration thing and really piss off King George."
"Fuck yeah, let's do it."
"Wait, pass the joint man I can only write elegantly when I'm FUCKED UP," Jefferson replied.
King George was a communist who liked to tax the shit out of the colonists and quite frankly, the colonists were fed up with that kind of bullshit.
George rounded all the forefathers up and they started tarring and feathering every Brit or Brit Commie Pinko sympathizer. Anyways, we won the war.
We won to protect our right to barbeque, drink beer, and shop til we drop. This is America dammit. The best damn country on the planet and if you evangelicals want to pass around propaganda to me I suggest it have an American face on that bill not some crappy European artifact. We fought them and we have our own money now so eff you.
Happy 4th fellow Americans.
Happy 4th Iraqis; you're guna be America someday.
Happy 4th world; you will be too.
03 July 2008
Panda Express
I hate Panda Express but sometimes its my only option for lunch where I work. The Baja Fresh is too slow and no one speaks English.
At Panda Express they're all Hispanic workers but at least you can just point at what you want without having to say any words. I wonder if I've ever done that to a person that speaks English perfectly fine. That would fill me with tons of white guilt if I knew I did that.
Anyways, so I'm chomping on this fortune cookies and this is what the paper tells me:
"Saturday is a good day for chores."
Thanks, Panda Express. Thank you for letting me know that. I'll do more chores on Saturdays.
At Panda Express they're all Hispanic workers but at least you can just point at what you want without having to say any words. I wonder if I've ever done that to a person that speaks English perfectly fine. That would fill me with tons of white guilt if I knew I did that.
Anyways, so I'm chomping on this fortune cookies and this is what the paper tells me:
"Saturday is a good day for chores."
Thanks, Panda Express. Thank you for letting me know that. I'll do more chores on Saturdays.
01 July 2008
Two Predictions; Hold me to Them
I have two predictions for the record. Hold me to them.
First watch/read this interview with Stephen Baldwin (the Baldwin that no one cares about):
Stephen Baldwin will leave the USA if Obama elected
Here are my two predictions:
1. Obama will win the election.
2. Stephen Baldwin will stay in the USA.
I would like to comment on one point he made. He said that Hillary and Obama kissing and making up was a sign that the Democratic Party would do ANYTHING to win an election. How is kissing and making up such a bad thing? Didn't Jesus teach that, Baldwin? Secondly, don't you remember how Romney was saying McCain wasn't a true conservative? Now Romney is at every corner trying to insert his lips into McCain's ass.
I'd say the dispicable thing to do to win an election is to constantly raise the possibility that a terror attack is going to happen or that a terror attack will raise McCain's chances of winning. GOP? GOD damn.
First watch/read this interview with Stephen Baldwin (the Baldwin that no one cares about):
Stephen Baldwin will leave the USA if Obama elected
Here are my two predictions:
1. Obama will win the election.
2. Stephen Baldwin will stay in the USA.
I would like to comment on one point he made. He said that Hillary and Obama kissing and making up was a sign that the Democratic Party would do ANYTHING to win an election. How is kissing and making up such a bad thing? Didn't Jesus teach that, Baldwin? Secondly, don't you remember how Romney was saying McCain wasn't a true conservative? Now Romney is at every corner trying to insert his lips into McCain's ass.
I'd say the dispicable thing to do to win an election is to constantly raise the possibility that a terror attack is going to happen or that a terror attack will raise McCain's chances of winning. GOP? GOD damn.
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