LAKERS

FUCK YA

For the record, can you imagine hanging out with Tim Duncan? How boring would that be? I've seen only one expression EVER on his face and it's this one:

Photoshopped and all. But searching through the images in Google proved that he indeed does have other facial expressions. Still, he always has this "I wish I could smile" look on him. I wonder how his home life is.

LAKERS.

Sharon Stone

Sharon Stone, you mess of a lady.

The first time I saw Sharon Stone in person was at UCI in 2004. I saw her speak.

I wasn't there to see HER speak; I was there to see the Dalai Lama speak. She stormed the stage at the end to make a political statement against George Bush. She hadn't met the Dalai Lama prior to this. I know this because she said this.

I never respected her much before this incident but I knew I would never respect her EVER after she stormed the stage to talk about unseating George Bush and doing it in a pretty undignified way. Hell, I hated George Bush just as much as anyone else. I voted for Howard Dean in the Democratic Party and I voted begrudgingly for John Kerry because I disliked Bush that much. The POINT of the Dalai Lama speaking was to promote world peace and understanding. It was a great speech. It certainly didn't call for any political ramblings from a Hollywood star. Where the fuck do these celebrities get their balls from? Just because they're in front of a camera suddenly they get a PhD in political science? Give me a fucking break.

Now here's why I'm writing.

A mere four years later, this nutcase rattles me again. And again it is an election year around the same time.

She implies that the loss of thousands of innocent Chinese lives due to the earthquake is a result of KARMA for the Chinese government's treatment of Tibet.

Now is it just me or is Karma fucking blind? Does Karma have any sense of aim? Is Karma a fucking retard? Who deals out Karma? Because if Karma wasn't blind, had a sense of aim and wasn't fucking retarded it would have hit the Chinese politburo right in the center and took out the Chinese government. How the FUCK was it any of the people who were killed in the earthquake's fault that their government doesn't give Tibet it's independence? 

Give me a fucking break.

Here's a fucking political science lesson, Sharon Stoney. 

CHINA IS NOT A DEMOCRACY.

CHINA'S PEOPLE DO NOT ELECT ITS NATIONAL LEADERS.

THEREFORE HOW CAN THEY BE HELD RESPONSIBLE BY THE DICTATOR YOU CALL KARMA (OR GOD) FOR WHAT THEIR GOVERNMENT DOES?

That goes to everyone else that likes to blame God or Karma for every god damn natural disaster that happens. Your god and your karma is one stupid ass motherfucker if you think god or karma is punishing China's government by killing innocent people. 

Sharon Stoney, go take off your clothes in front of a camera. You're good at that. 

For the record, I would like to see a free Tibet in my lifetime. I am boycotting watching the Olympics. Not for any political reason but because I never fucking watch them. They're boring. No offense, China. Host a Laker game. I'll watch it, China, I'll watch it. Don't you worry, People's Republic, don't you worry. 

Nigel reports from the red carpet

Tonight I watched the 9th Annual Movie Preview Awards. As many of you already know, the MPAs, or the "Golden Trailers," is a televised annual event honoring only the most distinguished of movie trailers, like the trailer for Tropical Thunder. It was hosted by Sinbad.

You know, Sinbad. Well if you don't, here's some interesting stuff that I found out about him by researching on the internet (copying from wikipedia):

Sinbad served in the US Air Force as a Boom Operator aboard KC-135 Stratotankers. He was almost dismissed with a dishonorable discharge for various misbehavior including going AWOL.

"I didn't make the Air Force basketball team and went into denial. So, I kept going AWOL. My mother kept begging me to go back. I told her, 'No, I'm not going back. I'll just grow a beard. They won't recognize me. I'll just be another Black man with a beard.' I was going to Georgia Tech to learn about computers. I'd go AWOL all the time. I'd just leave. I'd come back, hoping they'd throw me out."

After a series of incidents, he was eventually ejected "for parking my car in the wrong position."

"Air force basketball team?" "Boom Operator" aboard KC-135 "Stratotankers?" How does Wikipedia make this shit up? And then this gem:

Under the professional name Sinbad, he began his career appearing on Star Search, Sinbad won his round against fellow comedian Dennis Miller, appearing a total of seven times.

Really Dennis Miller? Dennis Miller has a segment on Hannity & Colmes. Sinbad, how far you have fallen.

Most recent, Sinbad made headlines when he (accurately) accused Hillary Clinton of inventing a story about taking sniper fire in Bosnia, and because of internet rumors claiming he died (inaccurate).

But the following made up stuff is all true!

-From 1989 to 1991, Sinbad was host of It's Showtime at the Apollo, returning in 2005 while regular host Mo'Nique was on maternity leave [that baby has been cooking for a long time].

-He hosted a Soul Train episode that aired January 14, 1995; appearing as a contestant in a 1995 episode of Celebrity Jeopardy!; and was the emcee the 2000 Miss Universe Pageant [and the 9th Annual Movie Preview Awards in 2008].

-Sinbad has been an Internet user since 1990; he was the moderator for an Apple Computer forum as of 1995 [almost as powerful as being a moderator of the SA forums].

-He was also featured in a 1999 infomercial for Tae Bo, where he claimed that he was successfully using the Tae Bo system to become an action star [true: voiced "Raven" in the 2002 live action version of Hansel and Gretel, IMDB rating: 2.1].

-Actor Mark Curry credits Sinbad and Bill Cosby for helping convince him not to commit suicide [Mark Curry = MR. COOPAH]

Earlier, Sinbad gained noteriety when he starred in a "The Cosby Show" spinoff called "A Different World." The show took place at "Hillman College; a fictional traditionally black college, modeled off Atlanta's Spelman College. With the exception of later addition Marisa Tomei to the cast, the students at Hillman were all high-achieving African Americans with unique personalities, contrary to the 'token' roles previously focused on." In his stereotype breaking role, Sinbad played "Coach Walter Oakes."

Following that, Sinbad starred as a condom in 1992 video Time Out: The Truth About HIV, AIDS, and You.

Best trailer went to The Dark Knight.

Retail Warrior

I work in retail and I fuckin' hate it.

Words cannot describe how much I despise of customers; my job would kick ass if there were not customers. The infinite wisdom coming out of Randall from Clerks never resonated with me until I started serving people when I turned 16. It's amazing how much people expect and how ridiculous they are. Jesus was the first retail employee. God wanted to market this sweet new religion so he hired Jesus to go out and advertise it through his service.

He got crucified.

So here is the first Retail Warrior drawing, inspired by the fat families that roam through the aisles grabbing nothing but junk for their equally fat and disgusting children. I have nothing against the kids; they were raised by a retard. It's just sad and unbelievable to see perfect spherical beings waddle around crying about how much animal crackers are better than alphabet crackers. THEY TASTE THE FUCKING SAME. ONE IS BORING BECAUSE IT'S A JUNK FOOD MASQUERADING AS A LEARNING TOOL. ONE IS COOL BECAUSE YOU CAN EAT A TIGER. THEY TASTE THE SAME. YOU CAN'T SPELL SHIT WITH ANIMAL CRACKERS. YOU CAN SPELL SHIT WITH ALPHABET CRACKERS.

Now, friends, why is it that fat people don't believe in condoms? Of all the shit they pack in Ralphs carts you nary see a pack of condoms but you always see at least six fat kids all punching each other trying to sit in the cart because walking is boring and tiring. I'm sure it costs a fortune to feed all those kids. Hell, it costs a small family to feed you! What made you decide to have so many kids? What made you think it was a good idea to bring a kid into a world only for them to live until 24 years old and die with diabetes? I just don't fucking get it. That's child abuse and your fat vagina should never have a fat dick inside of it without a condom until you can get your shit together you irresponsible fats.

Anyways here's the drawing.

The Ongoing Saga of the Feminine Beard

RJ: hey
vladmir: yo
RJ: my friend jimmy saw the dude with the fem beard this afternoon, and he said that he sahved it.... i think he heard us making fun of him
vladmir: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*
vladmir: that calls for an update

*note: I chuckled.

If you can spot a feminine beard in the wild please take a picture and send it our way (vladmir@vsbx.net). This guy's pussiness matched his beard. He has no spine or backbone. He created this feminine beard which probably took him hours to perfect and the second someone makes fun of it (for obvious reasons) he cuts it off. For the sake of scientific integrity I TRIED TO CREATE A FEMININE BEARD, but failed. I lacked the steady hand and the patience (among other feminine traits) required for the task.

A feminine beard spotted at CSULB

A friend of mine interrupted his hours of studying to send me this gem of a picture of a feminine beard in hard studying/texting session.



Look at the mismatch. His hair looks like a pile of rats piled out of it but he must spend at least 30 minutes in the bathroom shaping that thing. If you're already in there for that long why not cut your hair to non-ridiculous size?

This is what my pal texted me: "Hey what's your email. You're guna love the picture I just took..."

Immediately I thought it was porno span texting and he got a virus on his phone. So I just called him and confirmed it was him and not some Uzbecki child molestor trying to get me to buy a video of him fucking a butcher hacking a cow to death.

It was him. And he sent me the pic. I think that "..." is what threw me off. It makes it sound flirty. Pretty gay.

Anyways, this is what resulted.

Thank you, friend. You made my day.

This is the first feminine beard our group has caught in the wild. This is awesome. A new chapter has been written.

HELL YA

As you all know, Vladmir and JackJack have been working feverishly on growing their facial hair. Well boys... I seem to have found your king. Considering both of them are sitting three feet away from me, I could have showed them this in person, but I figured that wouldn't be fair to the rest of you.

Here you go guys... something to live up to.

The Podcast Working

Here it is. Finally.

Click here. (Right Click, Save As for PCs; Ctrl+Save for Macs)

1. Carnage Asada "Take Two and Call the Doctor"
2. Black Uhuru "The Whole World is Africa"
3. O.D.B. "Shimmy Shimmy Ya"
4. The Clash "Washington Bullets"
5. The Minutemen "Shit From an Old Notebook"
6. Loose Fur "The Ruling Class"
7. Sublime "Work That We Do"
8. Dr. Octagon "Trees"

The Thing Every Male Does But No One Talks About

Picture this.

Imagine your dad sitting on the toilet trimming his pubes and taking a shit.

Every male does this yet no one talks about. People talk about masterbating, people talk about sex, people talk about pooping. No one talks about trimmin' while shittin'.

It's such a joy standing up and looking at your shit all covered in hair.

CHR asked if that's what I do. Do I shit and trim? Yes I do.

You kill two birds with one toilet.

What happens when you don't trim? Can you grow a penis beard? Can you grow pubelocks?

These are all interesting questions that could be answered if people just started talking about.

Be informed.

P.S. Working on the uploading my podcast issue. It'll be up soon I hope.

In the meantime: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y56wKR8EjWM&feature=related

The First Podcast

In the absence of anything really interesting to say, I began experimenting.

With podcasting.

UPDATE: FUCK. I gotta figure this shit out. It'll be back up soon. Maybe. Who fuckin' knows.

UPDATE: FUCK yeah. It's back and working. HERE

Lame, stupid, retarded, yes I know. It is all of those things wrapped into one big ball of egotistical gay.

I used to be a DJ at kbeach.org (CSULB's student run radio) and I started to miss creating sweet playlists and talking nonsense in between. So I decided to revive it for vsbx. I'm planning on making it more of a collective effort in the future but this time was purely an experiment to see how this shit works.

While everyone I know that's still in college is studying for finals, I'm procrastinating and masturbating to the sound of my own voice with a five dollar USB microphone to my mouth. Take that, finals.

Anyways, here's the playlist:

1. Carnage Asada "Take Two and Call the Doctor"
2. Black Uhuru "The Whole World is Africa"
3. O.D.B. "Shimmy Shimmy Ya"
4. The Clash "Washington Bullets"
5. The Minutemen "Shit From an Old Notebook"
6. Loose Fur "The Ruling Class"
7. Sublime "Work That We Do"
8. Dr. Octagon "Trees"

It'll get more interesting once we find the groove. Anyways, I'm thinking this might be an every other Sunday type thing.

Edit: These Google AdSense ads are ridiculous. I post one post that mentions Obama and all of the sudden I get a million anti-Obama ads. Then I post something about bananas and all of the sudden there are banana advertisements. Do bananas NEED to be advertised? I figure it's like rice. People eat them regardless. Does anyone have a favorite brand of bananas? Bananas are bananas. By the way, I think all of the contributors but ONE of them is for Obama on vsbx. I have no idea why we get conservative sites advertised here and I have no idea how to get rid of them. Someone at work told me, "Don't you know he's an Atheist Communist Muslim?" I told him you can't possibly be Atheist and Muslim at the same time. He said that he researched it. I told him chain emails do not constitute research. He said that he looked at a bunch of sites. Are people really that stupid? Yes. They are:OMG THEY HAVE SIMILIAR NAMES! I got news for you fucktards if you take the V-L-D-M-I-R out of Vladmir and put a G-Y in it you get GAY. American political discourse turns into dissecting names? I'd rather live in China.

What is America Coming to?

Fags and Lesbians rejoice and have dildo party after

Fags get to marry each other. Whats next though? What are we becoming... are we going to let midgets vote now. I hope not. Are we going to put an end to animal cruelty? If we do then I don't want to live in this America. An America when civil unions between two people, turn into husband and husband or wife and dike. Or in a world where midgets are treated as humans, or a world that doesnt let me microwave stray kittens. America needs to get its act straight, like Mexico or Iran.

Hope not...

Those liberal douchesticks changing the rules. When I walk out my door and I am no longer able to mutilate homeless childern and cutting off their fingertips as little gloves for my fingers and use those little fingertip gloves in a bank robbery and trace it back to the kid who has no fingers; if I can no longer do that then I am ashamed at the direction of the United States of America. If we have homeless faggy fingerless midgets marrying each other then I know that the terrorists have won.

This is were it starts, stop the gay agenda before it starts a revolution of problems. Stop before we can not no longer gentically alter childern for military experiments.

Critically Acclaimed Wolf-Boy

Microwavable

editors note: i have a brain tumor

Shit I Hate at the Moment

Here is the number 1 thing I hate at the moment:

Windows fuckin' Vista.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Everytime I plug in my printer, it forces me to reinstall it over and over again. There are 12 different copies of the same damn printer on my computer but it wont recognize the older ones so you have to keep reinstalling it!

Flash apparently got upgraded somewhere down the line because Youtube does not work for me at all and no matter how many times I download the fucking plugin it doesn't work.

I'm planning on starting a podcast for this site to play music we like and rant in between. Hopefully the first one will be done tonight.

Can I get a show of hands? How many people know a Jewish Mexican? I have run into two in my life. Isn't that nuts? I have yet to run across a Hernandezberg though.

Jackjack claims to have been to a sushi restaurant that serves chips and salsa prior to the actual meal. This fusion shit is getting out of hand but I gotta admit, that sounds kind of good.

UPDATE: As I wrote this my Windows Vista computer crashed. Fuck yo. 

The most important link you will click on all day.

Becoming the Mustache

So here it is. The moment I have been hyping up. I decided that I was going to give myself a feminine beard once I was stupid enough to actually do it. I did it. Here's my beard at the last moment's of its terribly short life:

It was a man's beard. Grown freely and unkempt. Good enough for a lumberjack, good enough for me. But that wasn't enough. Good enough is never enough. I made fun of feminine beards previously and I was determined to prove my point and give myself one. This is investigative journalism at its finest. Close those legs Katie Couric. You aren't quite ready for the big leagues.

Shavers remorse sets in pretty quickly.

So I started shaving the damn thing. Hair was falling everywhere and getting all over my shirt...

...and everywhere else.

I was getting a little gay with myself at times...
...and others were getting gay with me.
And then came thoughts of suicide.

I gotta give it to all you feminine bearders out there. It's friggin' hard to do. I could never get it thin enough but it couldn't be any gayer. It was gay as gay could be and just to prove it I started walking around with this New Jersey cultural standard on my face.

Even though its not exactly what I would have wanted out of my feminine beard, it's pretty close. It screams douchebag who spent 30 minutes in the bathroom just to come up with this complete failure. Well it took my parents nine months to come up with me so I guess I'm up.

Just when everyone thought things couldn't get any more ridiculous I began reciting out of the Fantasy & Science Fiction magazine. Just look at that feminine beard.

And then I just said, "Fuck it. I'm getting a mustache." I changed out of my hairy Hard Rock Cafe shirt and into the free Speed Racer shirt I got at the GTA release line. It was about thirty sizes too small but who cared? I had a mustache. That shirt could not handle me.

Then CHR took this gem of a photo. I look like a depressed aging cop trying to hang out with my retarded teenage son. Anyways, we're the same age. The mustache gives me some years and that Speed Racer shirt is not doing me any sexual favors. I think putting on that shirt subtracted about 30 points from my sexual prowess skill points. FUCK!

This apartments not big enough for two mustaches. One of us will die.


And last but definately not least: That asshole Yuri compared me to some mouth breather in his last post but when I recreated the photo he was stunningly accurate. I'm sorry for calling you an asshole, Yuri. You're right.

Utah vs. Lakers: One Huge High School Musical Advertisement

What the hell?

Why were the announcers continuously pointing out that what's her name and Zac were attending the game. The fat guy kept saying, "Look they're sitting right next to us, my kids are going to be so excited." Who the hell cares?

Yes, I'm annoyed that Turiaf got ejected, the Lakers are losing currently and to top it all off I am being bombarded by not so stealthy advertising for High School Musical. Shame on you, ABC/ESPN.

Edit: Thank you Kobe. You tied the game. Deron Williams has the worst tattoo placement I have ever seen. Who the hell puts their own initials on their arms anyways? His tattoos are so cluttered on the top of his arms. Someone's gotta say it. Someone's gotta let him know.

Update: Lakers lost in overtime. Deron Williams is officially this post-season's my main guy to hate. Last year it was Dallas Maverick's owner Mark Cuban because he was like a rabid retard every game against Golden State. This year its Deron Williams for his Dumb & Dumber haircut, the pubic hair on his chin, and his cluttered tattoos. I'm a very trite person.

This shit is bananas

As I was walking to my car from class this morning I saw a man in full business suit attire peeling a banana and then eating it. This guy practically deep throated that thing.

Then it occured to me: I've always had a weird reaction to people eating bananas.

A little foreplay with your banana, Keanu?

I mean, come on, if you're a male and your favorite fruit is a banana there's good reason to wonder about you. If you chop them up, mush them or just like banana pudding then it's cool. But eating a banana the way nature intended? Something screams gay.

Advice to males: date chicks who love bananas. But only feed them those small bananas, you don't want them to get their hopes up about the size of your manhood.

I searched "people eating bananas" in google and got this. This is an image from a wedding reception. Who serves bananas at wedding receptions? People who like to get down.

Penis shaped food in general is weird. Hot dogs are acceptable because you wrap them up in a vagina (the bun) but I guess you could take the gay route and stick the hot dog in some buns. That makes the hot dog pretty gay.

If I have a son and his favorite food is either cucumbers or bananas I'm going to suggest he start eating lemons.

Am I homophobic? No. But this kind of shit bothers me because I get aroused everytime I see a banana enter a mouth.

The Art of Gaming

This idea pretty much came to me as I was sitting in the t.v. room at school. To my left was the gaming center. THE place for gaming nerds to congregate and show off some serious skills. Don't be mistaken. I consider myself to be a "game nerd." I emerse myself in the glory of the story lines of the games I play. I BECOME the character.

Anyway, that is beside the point...

Back to the topic. As I said before, the gaming center is to my left. Within this sacred place are games that test the skills of these game nerds. There are the typical fighting games: Soul Caliber II, Capcom vs. SNK 2, Street Fighter III, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, etc. There are also games that really test your "driving" abilities: Initial D. Some uncommon games are the classic Street Fighter Puzzle Fighter (I can probably beat your ASS at this), Beatmania: Complete Mix (this is where you PRETEND to be a DJ...and I mean PRETEND), and the ever annoying Dance Dance Revolution: Extreme. Yes, DDR was a great game at one time, but the developers have made subsequent titles EXTREMELY more difficult on "normal" mode and unsatisfying in "easy" mode. Guaranteed you'd have to sweat in "normal" mode, but the newer DDR titles make you look as if you jumped into a pool! Gahh!!

OK, enough with my rant about DDR...

Back to why I'm writing this blog. I find it funny that these game nerds come together at these arcade centers to "show off their skills." I agree that there is a nostalgic feeling about getting together with other nerds and playing your heart out, but I think now it's mostly about "how GOOD you are." People only gather to watch the BEST game nerds play. No one stays to watch the one person that is just mediocre. No, it's all about the nerd with the best techniques, the best moves, and the best skills. Take today for instance. There were two people on the DDR machine. A common asian guy nerd; long, greasy hair and the spectacular "nerd" glasses. Then there was the uncommon ASIAN GIRL NERD. This specimen was odd mainly because she wore a tube dress and was pretty. Beside that point, both displayed magnificent footwork on what looked like "hard" mode. A crowd flocked to the machine and watched in awe of the nerds at play. I watched mainly because I wanted to see the girl's tube dress slip and expose her BOOBIES. Heh. But, alas, no boobies. So with the boobies out of sight, I continued to watch. The two skilled nerds left and a lonely boy stepped up to the pad. He wasn't as talented as the ones before him, so the crowd dispersed. The lonely boy however, kept going like there wasn't a new RPG that he could be playing.

YOU GO LONELY BOY, YOU GO...

Therein lies my point. It may not have been clear at first, but that is just the nature of the ramblings of Margareane Buttersworth. The next time you are in a gaming center, stay around and watch the mediocre kid with no audience. He, or she, will thank you in some way or another...be it online, a game walkthrough or a tug on your joystick. OR...you could get a special surprise (BOOBIES) if you stick around when a girl nerd is playing. Not that you'd want to see those monstrosities. Just sayin'. Heh.

This is Margareane Buttersworth reporting to you from the Land of Game Nerds.

Random Pictures: Fixing Captions

Captions must be used properly, that is why I must fix them. So if you have a picture of yourself on the internet with a silly caption, no worries I will fix it for you, cum-slime.
PHOTO #1:

Their Caption: "its a work in progress"

Comment: What's the work in progress? Your growing struggle to be a straight man, your progress to perfect your favorite wrestler's eyebrow move, or the work in progress to grow hair scarcely spread above the tip of your lip? The expression on your face intrigues me to wonder what he is doing.

Fixed Caption: "Testing my new dildo"

Alternate Caption: "When a failed abortion grows up"

PHOTO #2:

Their Caption: "I'm officially either a nerd or Clark Kent now... (actually, I've really been a nerd for quite some time now)"

Comment: The glasses do not make you officially a nerd or Clark Kent. I think when people get glasses, I believe it means they are offically losing their eye sight. It is like saying taking a picture of yourself in a parking garage makes you gay... not saying you aren't, well maybe it does, I don't know. You have to ask jackjack on that one.

Fixed Caption: "taking a picture of myself in a parking garage with new glasses. That offically either makes me gay or losing my eyesight... (actually, I've really been gay for quite some time now)"

PHOTO #3?:

Their Caption: N/A
Comment: N/A
NEW Caption: "Vladmir"

Yuri Douchebag apoligizes for the disturbing photos.

Solid Snake-ing It

I fucking Solid Snaked it today.

I was late for school and I have a carpool pass. Usually the genome soldier parking Nazi isn't patrolling the carpool parking lot. Today she was.

FUCK! You need to actually be carpooling to park there. I was flying solo.

I had to think on my toes. I had to think like Solid Snake.

I drove around a couple of times and then decided a noise distraction would be the best way to get her attention off of me. I drove behind a few parking spaces and honked like a mad man. I looked toward her general direction and could've sworn she said, "Huh? What was that noise?" A fucking question mark popped over her head and her field of view turned red on my radar.

This was my fucking chance. I sped out of that area and went to the complete opposite side of the parking lot and parked. I grabbed my things and ran the hell towards class.

It was just a student presentation so I ended up not even going.

This is a true story. I Solid Snaked it today.

Oh and to all you environmental hippies about the proper use of carpool lanes, shut up.

Protecting the world from nuclear proliferation is my carbon offset. Fuck you.

Cinco de Mayo, a British prespective

Smart people will tell you that Cinco de Mayo isn't Mexican Independence Day. Smart people and Mexicans. In order to respect their traditions, we're not supposed to drink various Mexican "cervezas" on this special day. Imagine that, a Mexican advising AGAINST boozing your life away.

But I can sympathize with the sentiment. As a Briton living in the States, every July fourth I am inundated with the reminders of the trendsetting rebellion of a rowdy child with questionable sexuality. You celebrate this day by filling the night's sky with rainbows of fireworks and mutual masturbation. No need for all of this, mommy would have accepted you just the way you are!

This is not to say that I'm not a fan of your common queer. Tubby ones will tug you out for a box of malomars. All I'm saying is that we shouldn't be duped into buying into every corporate sponsored holiday that comes across our beverage counter.

So this Cinco de Mayo, wake up early, take a shower, go to work on time, clean your house, read to your kids, and do everything else that wouldn't remotely parallel our illiterate friends from south of the border.


(Editor's note: Nigel's opinions do not represent those of the vsbx.net staff)

An Unnecessary War

We here at the Box (our apartment) hate our neighbors. Not really for any reason but for the fact that they are there. You know how it is, you normally have more than one set of neighbors so you can make alliances and enemies whenever you want but we just have one set of neighbors.

How unlucky for them.

When we first moved into the Box, they had a barking dog and every morning that dog would annoy the shit out of us. We contemplated the day that dog died or got lost. What a good day that would be. But it didn't. Instead the owner of that dog left.

We wanted to punish the remaining roommates for allowing that dumb dog to bark in the mornings. So we thought about recording the sound of animals making their annoying ass sounds on a loop and played it as loud as we could while we were all at work doing our working class things. Alas, we are too non-confrontational for that. We are big vaginas.

There really is no reason for all this hate but we need some meaning in our lives. An enemy provides that kind of meaning. It gives us something to talk about at night. It breaks up the monotony with more monotony.

Little things irritate me and I'll blow them out of proportion to my roommates just to make good conversation and to bait them into talking shit. I'm sure they don't plan on talking all that shit, but I force the issues. I say hi to the neighbors when we happen to cross paths, they do not. I love it. They refuse to acknowledge that they hate us just as much as we hate them. Or maybe they don't hate us at all and it's just one big drama I'm making in my head. Who cares?

Sometimes I get home from work, demand CHR make me a turkey sandwich, kick off my shoes and watch TV. Then I wonder when "real life" will start and then I realize that real life is doing the same boring shit everyday and paying your bills on time.

God bless America. It keeps fucking sneezing.

jackjack is planning an epic post. We'll see if it ever gets posted.

Barfing In My Mouth

It has come to my attention recently that there are hoards of retards on the East Coast equally as disgusting as the 909ers we have grown accustomed to out here: guidos (no capitalization on that one, definitely not worthy). Now, growing up in Southern California for my entire life, I don't know much about these assholes but from what I have seen in photos, these fuckers have truly captured the essence of the word douchebag. After doing some research, I am beginning to get a grasp on what it means to be a real douchebag guido. Mostly Italians, their wardrobe seems to consist mainly of "clubbing attire" aka extremely tight button-ups, designer jeans, gold chains, and anything Euro-trash. Let's take a look.


Ugh. There's definitely more hair gel in this picture than there is dick.


Look at those fucking eyebrows. Look at them!!


This one's for you Vladmir. You know exactly what I'm talking about. This motherfucker's feminine beard has reached maximum douchebagness.


By far my favorite. These guidos chose to go for the Oompa Loompa look. A wise decision.


I'm gonna be honest, I'd fuck an Oompa Loompa over a guido any day.


WHERE HAVE ALL THE REAL ITALIAN MEN GONE?!


Mmm... there we go.

GTA DAY 2

Ok so it's later than I promised but I underestimated the addiction that would inevitably ensue. Here's a link to the first GTA DAY post.

Anyways, so after those douchebags drove by our line singing that one Benny Hill song that everyone knows we continued to wait.

The manager of the GameStop had a feminine beard and was short and kind of fat. He waddled out of the store to announce the process. He said, "You will go in the store five at a time to pay for the game in full. Then you will come back out and wait in line until midnight to get your game. This will make the process much faster. At midnight you'll walk in, show your receipt and get your game."

So we did that.

The tall black guy who was first in line continued to talk about random video game facts and how convoluted the story is to Metal Gear. He asked me to explain it to him and even though the Metal Gear series is like the KING of all videogame series to me, I told him I never played the game. He asked me for my Xbox gamertag and I told him I had a PS3. He laughed saying the PS3 is inferior. And then he said these golden lines, "You'll know who I am when I shoot you in the kneecaps and then run away." That's like the equivalent of someone punching you in the back of the head and then running like a little pussy. Hey, virginal black guy, videogames are about making you a much tougher person than you are in the real world. You can't be a pussy in both worlds. I guess you can but fuck, why?

Upon receiving the game, I put it in my mouth. I don't know why. The beard told me to. The beard has urges.

So I got home, anxious to play the game and then the ultimate buzzkill:

A required install. It took about five minutes but shit, I wanted to play that game immediately. A few PS3 games have this required install and it's designed to make load times shorter but damn, what was I supposed to do?

I did what I always do when I have free time.

I sat down and felt like a complete idiot for waiting in line just to buy a $60 game. You got bills to pay, Vladmir. What the fuck are you doing with your life? Your beard can't hide the acne on your dick. And don't try and act like it's something cool like herpes. You can't get herpes from your hands. You're a manboy, Vladmir. A fucking manboy.

Jackjack stayed up all night just to see GTA.

I had to take the obligatory "foot in shot" pic. Isn't that fucking awesome?

Anyways, to sum it all up I finally played the game that night until four in the morning. I had class at 8am so 4 hours of sleep was enough. It should be said though that I skipped class to play the game again. The online mode kicks ass but here's some advice: Don't play the free roam mode. It's basically deathmatch without the points. And if a car is driving towards you to kill you, aim at the driver's side. You will win.

P.S. I wrote this on the shitter.