What is America Coming to?

Fags and Lesbians rejoice and have dildo party after

Fags get to marry each other. Whats next though? What are we becoming... are we going to let midgets vote now. I hope not. Are we going to put an end to animal cruelty? If we do then I don't want to live in this America. An America when civil unions between two people, turn into husband and husband or wife and dike. Or in a world where midgets are treated as humans, or a world that doesnt let me microwave stray kittens. America needs to get its act straight, like Mexico or Iran.

Hope not...

Those liberal douchesticks changing the rules. When I walk out my door and I am no longer able to mutilate homeless childern and cutting off their fingertips as little gloves for my fingers and use those little fingertip gloves in a bank robbery and trace it back to the kid who has no fingers; if I can no longer do that then I am ashamed at the direction of the United States of America. If we have homeless faggy fingerless midgets marrying each other then I know that the terrorists have won.

This is were it starts, stop the gay agenda before it starts a revolution of problems. Stop before we can not no longer gentically alter childern for military experiments.

Critically Acclaimed Wolf-Boy

Microwavable

editors note: i have a brain tumor

Shit I Hate at the Moment

Here is the number 1 thing I hate at the moment:

Windows fuckin' Vista.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Everytime I plug in my printer, it forces me to reinstall it over and over again. There are 12 different copies of the same damn printer on my computer but it wont recognize the older ones so you have to keep reinstalling it!

Flash apparently got upgraded somewhere down the line because Youtube does not work for me at all and no matter how many times I download the fucking plugin it doesn't work.

I'm planning on starting a podcast for this site to play music we like and rant in between. Hopefully the first one will be done tonight.

Can I get a show of hands? How many people know a Jewish Mexican? I have run into two in my life. Isn't that nuts? I have yet to run across a Hernandezberg though.

Jackjack claims to have been to a sushi restaurant that serves chips and salsa prior to the actual meal. This fusion shit is getting out of hand but I gotta admit, that sounds kind of good.

UPDATE: As I wrote this my Windows Vista computer crashed. Fuck yo. 

The most important link you will click on all day.

Becoming the Mustache

So here it is. The moment I have been hyping up. I decided that I was going to give myself a feminine beard once I was stupid enough to actually do it. I did it. Here's my beard at the last moment's of its terribly short life:

It was a man's beard. Grown freely and unkempt. Good enough for a lumberjack, good enough for me. But that wasn't enough. Good enough is never enough. I made fun of feminine beards previously and I was determined to prove my point and give myself one. This is investigative journalism at its finest. Close those legs Katie Couric. You aren't quite ready for the big leagues.

Shavers remorse sets in pretty quickly.

So I started shaving the damn thing. Hair was falling everywhere and getting all over my shirt...

...and everywhere else.

I was getting a little gay with myself at times...
...and others were getting gay with me.
And then came thoughts of suicide.

I gotta give it to all you feminine bearders out there. It's friggin' hard to do. I could never get it thin enough but it couldn't be any gayer. It was gay as gay could be and just to prove it I started walking around with this New Jersey cultural standard on my face.

Even though its not exactly what I would have wanted out of my feminine beard, it's pretty close. It screams douchebag who spent 30 minutes in the bathroom just to come up with this complete failure. Well it took my parents nine months to come up with me so I guess I'm up.

Just when everyone thought things couldn't get any more ridiculous I began reciting out of the Fantasy & Science Fiction magazine. Just look at that feminine beard.

And then I just said, "Fuck it. I'm getting a mustache." I changed out of my hairy Hard Rock Cafe shirt and into the free Speed Racer shirt I got at the GTA release line. It was about thirty sizes too small but who cared? I had a mustache. That shirt could not handle me.

Then CHR took this gem of a photo. I look like a depressed aging cop trying to hang out with my retarded teenage son. Anyways, we're the same age. The mustache gives me some years and that Speed Racer shirt is not doing me any sexual favors. I think putting on that shirt subtracted about 30 points from my sexual prowess skill points. FUCK!

This apartments not big enough for two mustaches. One of us will die.


And last but definately not least: That asshole Yuri compared me to some mouth breather in his last post but when I recreated the photo he was stunningly accurate. I'm sorry for calling you an asshole, Yuri. You're right.

Utah vs. Lakers: One Huge High School Musical Advertisement

What the hell?

Why were the announcers continuously pointing out that what's her name and Zac were attending the game. The fat guy kept saying, "Look they're sitting right next to us, my kids are going to be so excited." Who the hell cares?

Yes, I'm annoyed that Turiaf got ejected, the Lakers are losing currently and to top it all off I am being bombarded by not so stealthy advertising for High School Musical. Shame on you, ABC/ESPN.

Edit: Thank you Kobe. You tied the game. Deron Williams has the worst tattoo placement I have ever seen. Who the hell puts their own initials on their arms anyways? His tattoos are so cluttered on the top of his arms. Someone's gotta say it. Someone's gotta let him know.

Update: Lakers lost in overtime. Deron Williams is officially this post-season's my main guy to hate. Last year it was Dallas Maverick's owner Mark Cuban because he was like a rabid retard every game against Golden State. This year its Deron Williams for his Dumb & Dumber haircut, the pubic hair on his chin, and his cluttered tattoos. I'm a very trite person.

Flying A Plane

So here's a rant.

I've been on this ride for a while now. I can't remember when I actually got on but its been a couple years. I've been thinking and when I was deep in it I called it a roller-coaster. It's very similar to a roller-coaster with the highs and the lows and it goes fast, real fast. Time speeds up. It's hard to hold on to anything even your thoughts. Most the time you can comprehend your thoughts though.

So I kept thinking about this ride and thinking about it and I've come to realize its more like a plane. A plane goes up and down and it's fast too. But the difference is a plane can crash. It's not like a car because your not flying and your defiantly not on the ground. People on the ride know just by looking who else is on the plane or can easily recognize who has flown before.

The best is flying down. You'll be at the max height the drop full speed towards the ground. When your flying down you can feel the air blowing hard against you. You can't hear anything. The people and buildings below begin to come into existence as you get closer. It's like they just appear. Colors change so fast. Your thoughts move so fast you can barely hold on and your smiling and laughing the whole way down. At least I am.

The reason the plane ride has its ups and downs is because thats exactly what life is. It's a fucking ride. It's this duality we live with. We're looking for that unity, that wholeness. We want to be complete. Who knows if there ever is an escape. That duality and our perception of the world is what makes the plane ride fun and completely natural. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.

Anyone will tell you too that the trick to the plane ride is not to crash. People on the ground who never knew still don't. They are so jaded that they don't even realize that the planes are flying above them. But when a plane crashes you better believe they hear it especially if its someone they know.

Oh yea, it's lonely. Not always but it can be. Being overwhelmed with that "L" word can make your plane crash too so be careful. But don't let that stop you. Ride with a friend. Ride in a group. Yea even alone is cool. There's something about flying alone that helps clear your head. I think it's the view.

It's all about balance.

The reason I'm writing this is to put this metaphor into existence and in your head. Once the idea and the pictures are seen it can't be taken out of existence because its part of time. Now it's a wrinkle. Now it has a home.

That's what I got. Take it or ignore it. It's always your choice.

yyyaaa heeeaaarrrrrddd meehh

This shit is bananas

As I was walking to my car from class this morning I saw a man in full business suit attire peeling a banana and then eating it. This guy practically deep throated that thing.

Then it occured to me: I've always had a weird reaction to people eating bananas.

A little foreplay with your banana, Keanu?

I mean, come on, if you're a male and your favorite fruit is a banana there's good reason to wonder about you. If you chop them up, mush them or just like banana pudding then it's cool. But eating a banana the way nature intended? Something screams gay.

Advice to males: date chicks who love bananas. But only feed them those small bananas, you don't want them to get their hopes up about the size of your manhood.

I searched "people eating bananas" in google and got this. This is an image from a wedding reception. Who serves bananas at wedding receptions? People who like to get down.

Penis shaped food in general is weird. Hot dogs are acceptable because you wrap them up in a vagina (the bun) but I guess you could take the gay route and stick the hot dog in some buns. That makes the hot dog pretty gay.

If I have a son and his favorite food is either cucumbers or bananas I'm going to suggest he start eating lemons.

Am I homophobic? No. But this kind of shit bothers me because I get aroused everytime I see a banana enter a mouth.

The Art of Gaming

This idea pretty much came to me as I was sitting in the t.v. room at school. To my left was the gaming center. THE place for gaming nerds to congregate and show off some serious skills. Don't be mistaken. I consider myself to be a "game nerd." I emerse myself in the glory of the story lines of the games I play. I BECOME the character.

Anyway, that is beside the point...

Back to the topic. As I said before, the gaming center is to my left. Within this sacred place are games that test the skills of these game nerds. There are the typical fighting games: Soul Caliber II, Capcom vs. SNK 2, Street Fighter III, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, etc. There are also games that really test your "driving" abilities: Initial D. Some uncommon games are the classic Street Fighter Puzzle Fighter (I can probably beat your ASS at this), Beatmania: Complete Mix (this is where you PRETEND to be a DJ...and I mean PRETEND), and the ever annoying Dance Dance Revolution: Extreme. Yes, DDR was a great game at one time, but the developers have made subsequent titles EXTREMELY more difficult on "normal" mode and unsatisfying in "easy" mode. Guaranteed you'd have to sweat in "normal" mode, but the newer DDR titles make you look as if you jumped into a pool! Gahh!!

OK, enough with my rant about DDR...

Back to why I'm writing this blog. I find it funny that these game nerds come together at these arcade centers to "show off their skills." I agree that there is a nostalgic feeling about getting together with other nerds and playing your heart out, but I think now it's mostly about "how GOOD you are." People only gather to watch the BEST game nerds play. No one stays to watch the one person that is just mediocre. No, it's all about the nerd with the best techniques, the best moves, and the best skills. Take today for instance. There were two people on the DDR machine. A common asian guy nerd; long, greasy hair and the spectacular "nerd" glasses. Then there was the uncommon ASIAN GIRL NERD. This specimen was odd mainly because she wore a tube dress and was pretty. Beside that point, both displayed magnificent footwork on what looked like "hard" mode. A crowd flocked to the machine and watched in awe of the nerds at play. I watched mainly because I wanted to see the girl's tube dress slip and expose her BOOBIES. Heh. But, alas, no boobies. So with the boobies out of sight, I continued to watch. The two skilled nerds left and a lonely boy stepped up to the pad. He wasn't as talented as the ones before him, so the crowd dispersed. The lonely boy however, kept going like there wasn't a new RPG that he could be playing.

YOU GO LONELY BOY, YOU GO...

Therein lies my point. It may not have been clear at first, but that is just the nature of the ramblings of Margareane Buttersworth. The next time you are in a gaming center, stay around and watch the mediocre kid with no audience. He, or she, will thank you in some way or another...be it online, a game walkthrough or a tug on your joystick. OR...you could get a special surprise (BOOBIES) if you stick around when a girl nerd is playing. Not that you'd want to see those monstrosities. Just sayin'. Heh.

This is Margareane Buttersworth reporting to you from the Land of Game Nerds.

Random Pictures: Fixing Captions

Captions must be used properly, that is why I must fix them. So if you have a picture of yourself on the internet with a silly caption, no worries I will fix it for you, cum-slime.
PHOTO #1:

Their Caption: "its a work in progress"

Comment: What's the work in progress? Your growing struggle to be a straight man, your progress to perfect your favorite wrestler's eyebrow move, or the work in progress to grow hair scarcely spread above the tip of your lip? The expression on your face intrigues me to wonder what he is doing.

Fixed Caption: "Testing my new dildo"

Alternate Caption: "When a failed abortion grows up"

PHOTO #2:

Their Caption: "I'm officially either a nerd or Clark Kent now... (actually, I've really been a nerd for quite some time now)"

Comment: The glasses do not make you officially a nerd or Clark Kent. I think when people get glasses, I believe it means they are offically losing their eye sight. It is like saying taking a picture of yourself in a parking garage makes you gay... not saying you aren't, well maybe it does, I don't know. You have to ask jackjack on that one.

Fixed Caption: "taking a picture of myself in a parking garage with new glasses. That offically either makes me gay or losing my eyesight... (actually, I've really been gay for quite some time now)"

PHOTO #3?:

Their Caption: N/A
Comment: N/A
NEW Caption: "Vladmir"

Yuri Douchebag apoligizes for the disturbing photos.

Solid Snake-ing It

I fucking Solid Snaked it today.

I was late for school and I have a carpool pass. Usually the genome soldier parking Nazi isn't patrolling the carpool parking lot. Today she was.

FUCK! You need to actually be carpooling to park there. I was flying solo.

I had to think on my toes. I had to think like Solid Snake.

I drove around a couple of times and then decided a noise distraction would be the best way to get her attention off of me. I drove behind a few parking spaces and honked like a mad man. I looked toward her general direction and could've sworn she said, "Huh? What was that noise?" A fucking question mark popped over her head and her field of view turned red on my radar.

This was my fucking chance. I sped out of that area and went to the complete opposite side of the parking lot and parked. I grabbed my things and ran the hell towards class.

It was just a student presentation so I ended up not even going.

This is a true story. I Solid Snaked it today.

Oh and to all you environmental hippies about the proper use of carpool lanes, shut up.

Protecting the world from nuclear proliferation is my carbon offset. Fuck you.